Fitness Plateau

as i eagerly await the return of the other assistant (which means i get to take a break), i consider my current physical condition. i typically utilize the fitness center here at work during my lunch break and then eat lunch at my desk afterward. a super-buffed security guard mentioned yesterday, after i gave him a look that could kill & grudgingly snatched out my ear buds, that he was starting a fitness boot camp. he said that i was in really good shape and was “almost there” but needed just a little push. and while i felt salty about not being completely “there”, i knew exactly what he meant.

i never, ever weigh myself. but i can estimate, based on past experience with doctor’s assistants yelling my number at the top of their lungs, that i’m now somewhere between 120 and 125 pounds. the number has never been important to me. instead, it’s more about the way that i look and feel. that said, there’s strong definition in my arms, my butt cheeks do not overlap the back of my thighs, and my stomach does not instantly inflate as soon as i eat a meal. my legs have always been pretty darned terrific.

so, five days a week, i hit the gym. i do cardio on the elliptical or treadmill (lately, usually the former since my knees aren’t what they used to be), take care of abs and arms on weight machines, use the leg press for more glut work, stretch & call it a day.

i’ve worked out my entire life in some way, shape or form. but this has been my consistent regimen for six months now. & now, i feel stuck. don’t get me wrong, i’m good where i am… if i were to stop here for good, i expect i could still pull ’em. but in honor of going from average to exceptional, i gotta do better!  i’m thinking jada or halle.  petite (there’s nothing i can do to get taller) but still shapely. 

the trouble is that i’m realizing that this may mean an adjustment to my diet.  i admit this with the utmost hesitancy!  if you know me, you know that this is tantamount to torture and dilemma.  not only do i not believe in diets in the traditional, salads & protein bars, type way, i  want to make absolutely zero changes to the way that i currently eat.  my only addictions are coffee and wine.  and i always start off the day in a fairly healthy manner.  my lunch variates between extremely healthy and only moderately unhealthy (fast/fried).  and actually, dinner may go either way as well.  i don’t think my salt intake is too high or my water intake too low.  the issue comes with the constant, incessant snacking.  a snack for me may be anything from hot tamales candy to cotton candy to candy no one realizes is even produced still to brownies or cookies to a fast food chicken sandwich… or any combination of these.

it seems that the only way to get over this plateau is to change my view of nutrition.  i might possibly need to explore other ways to satisfy my urge to snack… & to get a sugar rush.  and i must acknowledge that i’ve been feeling nervous about the amount of hormones and junk that goes into meat and other processed foods.  i have declared to my little one that we are moving to a limited-meat diet.  he exclaimed in horror, “i do NOT want to be vegetarian!”  i assured him that i’m equally as horrified by that idea and that i’m thinking something more along the lines of meatless mondays… gradually progressing to meat two or three times a week… no red meat (except my once monthly steak to combat my anemia)… and maybe at some far future point, meat only on sundays.  and since i’m no hypocrite, i suppose we’d have to eliminate processed snacks like lil debbie’s and her cousin frito lay?! 

i dunno.  so far, there’s just been the declaration.  and so i head to the fitness center… still running along the top of this loooong plateau.  and for lunch afterward?… either subway or mc d’s… & honestly, the latter is winning at this point… but mainly because it’s closer and it looks like rain…

More Than One

i came across an interesting article on Glamour entitled 8 Dating Mistakes Even Smart Women Make by Brenda Della Casa.  there was one particular “mistake” that stood out for me:
(copied from the article)

Believing in The One

“A lot of women make dating more difficult by placing so much pressure on themselves to find the one-and-only-man-in-a-billion they believe is right for them,” says Ali, 35, from Gaithersburg, Maryland.

Instead of convincing yourself the ex you dumped was your soul mate or that perfect-but-married co-worker was your one that got away, take a cue from our male counterparts and approach the dating scene with the idea that there are plenty of men who are capable of making you laugh, sharing your values and melting your heart, and you’re going to have fun with several of them until you find one worthy of your commitment.

two things came to mind.  one, i have not made a declaration that i am officially and completely over that… that thing (the 6 year infatuation with my friend).  and two, the aforementioned dating “mistake” is exactly what i’d done in this situation.
 
my best friend and i are famed for making declarations.  they may range from something as inconsequential as “i am no longer watching any show on the cbs network”… to something as huge (and likewise, unbelievable) as “i am officially and completely over her.”  after the umpteenth declaration of this exact thing, imagine my surprise when my best friend replies that she actually believes me this time.  perhaps it was the absence of some random woman i’ve deemed as “the one who is almost good enough to help me get over her” or the fact that i hadn’t uttered one of my favie phrases, “the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else.”  i suppose the fact that i’ve decided to surpass this situation independent of anything or anyone else makes it all the more believable as an official declaration.  and so, i declare (officially) that no more of my energy (thoughts or actions) are going toward intending my “friend”, we’ll call her tonya, as anything other than a friend.  after praying for six years for God to get on the same page with me for this relationship’s purpose, it doesn’t feel like giving up.  it feels like giving it (all) to Him.  i determined some time back i that suck, generally, at dating… at picking lovers for anything other than good looks… at maintaining balance between all aspects of my life (family, spirit, education, career, love/ romantic relationships).  so i gave it to God, save that one tiny thing.  i was a sneaky little devil and kept supposed control over my dating and sex life and was completed determined, by most any means necessary, to turn tonya from friend to lover.
 
i now realize that i not only had a belief in “the one”… such a limiting concept in itself… but labeled her that “one”… even further limiting myself in inconceivable ways.  there are several reasons behind why she, now finally seen as a mere mortal, was put on that pedestal in the first place.  it took years of self-reflection to identify those reasons and would take nearly as long to recount them.  but, thankfully, i currently recognize the original flaw in my thinking.  there is no “one” besides me.  they say that you should be the person you’d like to be with.  my list has always included someone faithful, honest, hilarious, spiritual, goal-oriented, ambitious, educated, well-traveled, family-oriented and financially responsible.  i have, over time and much effort, become very, very close to the person i’d like to be with.  that said, there are surely countless women in the world that fit this bill.  and in the right, serendiptious situation, any one of them might be a great match for me.  so instead of the one, there are a million and one!  uh oh… look out world!  darned great catch on the loose…

Lowered Expectations

i had a ton of mind-chatter this morning.  it’s typical for me to have a lot going on in my head.  i suppose this is common for most geminis.  what was particularly disturbing was the fact that i felt generally negative.  not sad, not angry… just disturbed, i guess.

so, of course, i began to explore my feelings in order to return quickly to a more upbeat mood & to my personal positivity commitment.  i realized that i am still struggling with the concept of expectation.  i’ve been taught, through purposeful reading and exploration, that we should strive to minimize our egos and detach from all expectation.  for instance, our feeling of peace or happiness should be tied only to our decision to be at peace and happy.  i should not feel happy because i’m expecting a particular outcome for a given situation. 

specifically, i had been expecting a phone call last night that i was especially excited about.  when that didn’t happen, my anticipation turned to disappointment.  according to what i’ve learned, my mood and feelings should have been, and should remain, consistent.  my thoughts should have been, “it would be nice to get a phone call from _____, but i am at ease regardless and will have an enjoyable evening outside of anything that does or doesn’t happen”.  
in the end, i received a text message apologizing for the absence of the call.  but by that time, i had already remembered the goal i’m reaching for… a higher level of being, thinking and doing.  so, i’m better. 

additionally, my pissy mood reminded me that i’d neglected to pray, to be grateful and to thank God.  while conversing with my Creator, i acknowledged a gratefulness for expectation… and anticipation.  i feel alive when i’m excited, when i’m waiting by the phone… and even when i’m sad about the call that never came.  all of it is a part of life.  and i’m happy to be alive!